Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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