jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
