The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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