Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
