I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
