I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize