alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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