the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
