I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize