Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
