oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
These tits shall not be calmed
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
