I want you more than these girls want KFC
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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