Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize