shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
