I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
