what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
