go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
