4 words: hood of his car
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
