evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
