New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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