Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just gargled with NyQuil
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
