after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
