Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I color on your dick again?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize