He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
