I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
