The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
