hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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