I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
