I just made out with a guy for $7.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I have post one night stand depression
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