Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
