Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
