Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
