After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
