True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
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He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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