I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
