It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
