I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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