So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
