You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
