I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Randomize
