ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
