You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
