Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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