and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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