birth control should be required to get into college
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
