I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
