Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
