Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
