Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
