Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
