can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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