Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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