He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
