When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
