My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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