it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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