I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
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Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
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Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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