you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
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The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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