I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
