I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
