The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
