There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
