Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
