meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
im six kinds of drunk right now
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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