I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
