from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
