never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
They took my balls.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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