I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
