I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
