He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
