Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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