I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
