theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
