apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
