we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I still have a little drunk in my system
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
