it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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