We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
