I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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