Where did you get a picture of my penis
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
